Candidates​, or Can’t-dida​tes?

Posted on October 10, 2011


As the 2012 presidential election is about to kick off, candidates are crawling out of the woodwork, and the pizza parlor….
So far ten people have thrown their hat in the ring for a shot at running our nation. But some candidates have been taking shots at other things as well. Governor Rick Perry of Texas has been spending his time hunting in his home state.
While Perry has been “rustling up some grub,” former governor of Massachusetts, Mitt Romney, has already started slinging mud. He accused Perry of flip-flopping and being unelectable. Perhaps somebody is trying to draw some attention away from his own mud, or perhaps he doesn’t have a political leg to stand on.
Still other candidates are spending their time perfecting their pizza recipes. Radio talk-show host and former CEO of Godfather’s pizza, Herman Cain, has also entered the race. He still leaves citizens asking questions about his qualifications, but more importantly, deep-dish or thin-crust?
Then we have former governor of New Mexico, Gary Johnson. This politician is most well known for his attempt to legalize marijuana in New Mexico. He also is an opponent of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. We will see if this candidate campaigns hard, or wastes his time rolling blunts.
Next is author Newt Gengrich. Gengrich is best known for his historical fiction novels. But do we really want someone with this little political experience running our country, and do we want our president named after an aquatic amphibian?
The “Benedict Arnold” of the campaign is former governor of Louisiana, Buddy Roemer. He’s so indecisive he completely switched parties in the 1990’s. This democrat turned republican really leaves something to be wanted in the loyalty department.
There is also former governor of Utah, John Huntsman. This former Mormon missionary is fluent in Mandarin Chinese and spent time in Taiwan. If you ask me, the last thing we need is something else imported from Taiwan.

Let’s not forget former Pennsylvania senator, Rick Santorum. Who is that? Well that’s what we’re all asking.

Last but not least we have two candidates from the Tea Party. These ultra-conservatives; Michelle Bachmann, US representative from Minnesota; and Ron Paul, US representative from Texas; are bringing the new party to public light. But perhaps these candidates are still stuck in the days of the American Revolution.
Potheads, hunters, pizza delivery boys, and turncoats; at least we have plenty of options. Maybe they should start hunting the soon-to-be vacant presidential position, and cooking up some campaign plans.

Reported by Andrew Turner

Posted in: Opinion