Ask Sarah

Posted on October 17, 2011

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Question: My mom and I haven’t been getting along lately. Is this normal? What do I do?

Answer:

At a young age your mom would dress you, wash you, tuck you in, and you loved spending time with her, but now you are doing your own thing. You wear what you want, take care of yourself, go to bed when you feel like it, and you would rather be with your friends than with your family.

Growing up is usually the cause of the fights. Statistics show that when teens become more independent it causes arguments between the teen and parents because parents have not adapted to not being in control. No need to worry though. The bickering will lessen as you get older and your parents will get used to the new you.

Teens want the attention of their parents sometimes, but at other times, they don’t.  This is what we all know as “Mixed Messages.” Teens will want their independence, but then they still want a connection. Most teens will say all they do is argue more and more each time they try and communicate. I know of several kids from Croatan who don’t live with their parents but with others just because of the arguing.

However, some fights shouldn’t be avoided. Jessica Stevenson, teen expert, said, “All fights can’t be avoided, and sometimes a fight is needed to work out an issue.” Keeping emotions in is a good trait, but at times you have to learn to sit down and try to talk the problem through.

It could possibly be your fault. Teens don’t really sleep much as we all know. Because you don’t sleep, there are some negative down falls. You may have moodiness, impulsiveness, disengagement, and even depression.

Along with no sleep you could be feeling like a “bad teen.” You may not be making good grades, or relating to your family and peers as well as you would like. Studies on the brain show that teens are not able to plan, prioritize, have impulse control, or think of consequences. Don’t say you are a bad kid because you are confused about why you can’t be like others. This is the part when you need that teen to parent connection.

Conflicts between teens and parents are normal. As you grow up, you begin spending more time outside of home, and questioning their rules, so disagreements will appear. Just try and talk things through and remember that your parents do love you, no matter what.

Reported by Sarah Braun

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