Barack Battles Bulge

Posted on November 7, 2011


"I'll be playing basketball with the president, dunkin' on his delegates."

Barack Obama was reported to be smoke free last week. The president underwent a physical conducted by Dr. Jefferey Kuhlman.

However, the president did admit that he is only 95% tobacco free. He said that he still “messes up sometimes.” It sounds like he needs another piece of Nicorette.

The president measured in at 6’1” tall, 4 inches above the height of the average American man. He also weighed in at a healthy 181 pounds, 9 pounds less than the average Joe. The president is in great shape considering he is 50 years old.

Mr. Obama’s cholesterol was found to have dropped as well. It was down from 209 at his last physical, to a healthy level of 193 at this year’s testing. Mr. Obama says he’s been eating healthy, mostly due to Mrs. Obama’s urging. He must have really been eating his Cheerios to bring his cholesterol down so significantly.

Dr. Kuhlman also reported that the president has clear lungs, a healthy heart rate, and his colon is clear of signs of cancer.

The president keeps healthy by engaging in regular exercise, including playing golf and basketball.

Our commander in chief is fit for duty. He is in tip-top shape to run our country, and the mile.

Reported by Andrew Turner

Posted in: Politics